We sent our son to bed without supper last night. Our youngest kid has some special needs, plus he’s also a very picky eater and a very tough kid. He gets angry over nothing sometimes and then will forget why he’s angry 10 minutes later. He won’t remember why he was mad and then he acts like nothing happened at all. Maybe I indulge him too much. Maybe I make exceptions for him being so picky and serve him what I think he’ll eat. Maybe it’s my fault. I should stop enabling him so much. It wasn’t about the food, it was a control thing and my husband wasn’t having it. When It’s Not Just Being A Picky Eater: We Sent Our Son to Bed Without Supper Last Night
Last night my in-laws served a delicious meal (we’re in Upstate NY right now). But it really didn’t matter how much we all enjoyed it. My youngest kid wanted no part of it.
“It has things I don’t like”, he said.
“It had beans,” he said.
“It has peppers,” he said.
“I won’t eat it,” he said.
But for once, no one brought him a new plate. No one picked all his veggies and the beans out of his food (yeah, that is usually me). No one gave him what he wanted.
My youngest kid just turned eight and I’ve been making excuses and serving him what I mostly think he’ll eat for a long time. I’ve made excuses for behaviors that an eight-year-old shouldn’t be doing, even with special needs. I don’t share exactly what his special needs are because this is something we’ve chosen to keep private.
He is a picky eater, but this was more than just pickiness. My older son was very picky and very skinny and while that has nothing to do with my older son’s Type 1 Diabetes, I still feel guilty that we didn’t catch that until it got dire. With our youngest, it’s a much different situation. There were nights that he wouldn’t eat if things weren’t right and I was scared to let him starve. He’s been losing baby fat for a while and while he isn’t as skinny as my older son is, I’m scared to have him get skinner. Plus he gets so angry and frankly, I just can’t fight over dinner when he gives us a hard time about getting dressed, washing his hair, picking up toys, doing homework…etc.. You name it, I get a hard time. So I am careful what food I serve him because I just don’t want a fight every night. Last night, my husband had had enough. Our kid HAD to eat his dinner.
My kid yelled. My kid screamed. My husband was furious.
“Go to bed!” He yelled. “This isn’t acceptable.”.
My kid yelled more. My kid screamed more. He went into his room at my in-laws’ house. He came out a short time later.
“I’m hungry,” he said.
“There’s your bowl (of food)” I told him.
He started screaming again. My husband chased him back into the room.
He came out again later. “I’m hungry.”
By this time we had cleared his bowl away. He asked for food, and usually, I would have given in again at this point. But this time — no. I wasn’t going to give in either. It had been too much. I had taken it too many times. I told him that if he was hungry, he could have the dinner his grandparents made. That was it. Nothing else. I didn’t capitulate.
He screamed again and went away and then came back and said, “Okay. I’ll eat it”.
I made him a bowl of the dinner (it was still hot).
He sat at the table and complained, “I’m not eating the peppers.”.
He took a bite. And then another. He still wasn’t a fan (which is too bad, because it really was delicious).
“Did I eat enough to get dessert?”.
“No” I said, “I can’t give you dessert for your behavior.”
Then he stormed off again.
He came back for a bite or two and had another meltdown. My husband got even angrier and chased him back into the bedroom he was sleeping in.
“Get ready for bed.”
Our son got even more enraged.
My husband stuck to his guns and for once, I really didn’t get involved. And that was hard.
Then our kid starts crying that he was going to starve to death because he didn’t eat any dinner.
“I’m going to waste away to nothing,” he cried.
That went on for another 2o minutes (and in the midst of this, my son with Type 1 Diabetes has a low blood sugar that needed to be treated).
Finally, our son asks for one Cheerio. “I want one Cheerio so I don’t starve.” At this point, he had accepted that I wasn’t going to whip up a feast for him. He has his one Cheerio and goes to sleep. I hear him growling in his sleep.
Today he woke up like nothing ever happened and was back to being our sweet boy. What???? Parenting this one is not fun.
Oh my goodness that sounds like my house. My son likes certain things and I will be so careful to make sure food is what he wants. Honestly it’s control he wants and I an getting tired of it. My husband is rarely home for meals but when he is there is nothing that kid won’t eat because Dad doesn’t listen when he starts whining. I feel for you.
Nice to hear a different perspective on parentling
I have a girlfriend whose child is so picky about food too. She has gotten better by having the child cook with her.
I think every parent will have to undergo an experience like this, since kids nowadays sometimes are picky with what they eat and would throw some tantrums when they don’t get what they want. I salute you for being firm with your decision in disciplining your child, it is hard but we have to be strict sometimes so our kids would learn to follow us. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Parenting is soooo tough (and exhausting) sometimes. We have had to stick to our guns many times with our 3 children (one special needs and one very string willed) and it always paid off. It’s hard in the midst of it all, but its all part of parenting.
Wow, way to wait it out, mom and dad! I know it must have been frustrating in the moment, but I know you are thrilled you were able to curb this behavior lovingly while standing your ground.
Glad you stuck to your guns. I hope I can find the strength to do the same when my kids come along, it’s really important to me that they eat what I put in front of them or at least try it.
Ahh – this is such a tough situation to be in, but its parenting. I think the right decision is the one you and your husband feel comfortable with (and its good he stuck to his guns). My son is only 1 so we haven’t had a situation like this yet, but he also has food allergies so I know that’ll be tough.
Oh yes. We’ve had moments like this too. It’s very frustrating as a parent, but sometimes there is a reason behind it.
Kudos to you AND Dad! I have sent mine to bed without dinner for behavior or sheer ingratitude. It’s not easy, but they truly won’t starve. I think one of the biggest things is getting them to understand that we’re not here to indulge them, we’re here to raise them.
My daughter has a genuine aversion to bananas. I think it’s a textural thing. She can’t eat them, so I avoid them for her sake. Everything else is fair game though and you need to eat what I put in front of you.
He is such a handsome and special kid, just love the red hair!
My son has Sensory Processing Disorder and has lot of food sensory issues. There was a time where he only ate 5 foods without gagging or throwing up. It is incredibly frustrating when we are at a party or someone’s house and they comment on what a picky eater he is because I know he’s not trying to be a bad kid but food is a very big sensory trigger for him. I’m sorry you had to deal with a meltdown especially at your in laws. In the end it seems like your hard stance worked because he did try a few bites.
Thanks, I’m still really torn on this one. I’m not sure what the right decision is. Obviously, he’s not being starved and has eaten everything we’ve had for dinner. We’ll go for more evaluations this year and see if we can really get to the root of the issues. My older son had a lot of sensory issues but grew out of everything by age 6. My youngest was different and his now 8.
No parenting isn’t always a bed of rose.
I think your husband made the right call. Lots of people do not like certain foods for whatever reason- onions, peppers, etc but they find a way to get around it, and sometimes you just have to stick to your guns and not accept bad behavior and fits in an attempt to get their personal short order cook to make them something else.
Granted people with medical conditions like your older son can not have certain foods but when they learn this as a child, they learn what they could perhaps have instead. A diabetic can not have say a sugary birthday cake, but they can have something else they can have and enjoy. Learning this as children helps them develop self control.
I do not know what your son’s special needs are of course, some have sensory issues, but again, you do not have to become a short order cook. Life later is not going to treat him that way. He will become frustrated it doesn’t but he will learn how to adapt. He will not starve by missing supper.
You did the right thing. I know it was tough, but you also found out he can and will eat what is put in front of him, He is old enough to pick his own peppers (or whatever the offensive part is) out of his own meals. It will take time, there will be some battles, but he can do it, and so can you.
Best of luck, this parenting thing is hard, and times it may seem easier to bend when you have to remain strong.Some may disagree with what my opinion is, and that is perfectly fine. Kids need consistency they need to know bad behaviors are not acceptable. Parents are there to guide and to teach these skills before they enter the word on their own, unless you are willing to have them live with you forever and pick out the offensive vegetables when they are 30!
Thanks. With Type 1 Diabetes, we have to pay attention to the cabohydrate amount, but I do keep an eye on the sugar amount. Our older kid can have the sugary birthday cake – we just give insulin to cover the carbohydrate amount. However I didn’t overdo treats before he had Type 1 Diabetes, so I try not to do them now + he never really is very into sweets anyway. So I would give a smaller piece to him AND his siblings that don’t have Type 1 Diabetes (we’ve had them tested). But yes, our little guy can pick the peppers out himself, I have to stop doing that for him — because I totally was enabling him to behave that way. Your support means so much Ellen. I am still so upset about this!